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Trump 2028; Letterman Style

Steve Bannon keeps insisting that Donald Trump will run for president again in 2028, despite the constitutional hurdle posed by the 22nd Amendment, which says nobody can be elected president more than twice. According to Bannon, there are "many different alternatives" to get around this constitutional inconvenience. He assures us there's a plan, but apparently we're not ready to hear it.

Bannon has suggested that these mysterious alternatives will be revealed after the 2026 midterm elections. Why the secrecy? Who knows?


Perhaps Bannon possesses a secret decoder ring, passed down through the generations from the Founding Fathers themselves, that allows him to rewrite the plain text of the Constitution—but only within 23 months of a presidential election. That would explain why he can't reveal his plan until after the midterms. The damn thing hasn't activated yet.

Or perhaps there's an invisible clause in the Constitution that only appears when you hold it under a tanning lamp and smear it with bronzer.

Whatever the explanation, Bannon seems confident that the Constitution contains loopholes nobody else has managed to discover.

Well, I have good news. After an exhaustive investigation, extensive constitutional research, and some invaluable assistance from a guy I know on the janitorial staff at the National Archives, I've made a remarkable discovery.

My source claims he's examined the Constitution after hours and found secret notes written on the back in invisible lemon-juice ink. Apparently, Nicolas Cage missed a few things in National Treasure.

Armed with this previously unknown evidence, I have uncovered the secret list of ways Donald Trump could become president again in 2028.

The list is surprisingly extensive. Some of the proposals are ingenious. Others require a breathtaking suspension of disbelief. And a few make you wonder whether anyone involved has actually read the Constitution.

Unfortunately, there isn't enough room to publish the entire list, so, in the interest of public service, I've narrowed it down to the Top Ten Ways Donald Trump Could Become President in 2028.

My source at the National Archives assures me these are authentic. And who am I to question a man with a mop and unrestricted access to the Founding Fathers?

The Top Ten Ways Donald Trump Could Become President in 2028

10. The Mulligan Rule. Trump declares his first term a practice round. Everybody knows mulligans don't count.

9. The Frequent President Program. Serve two terms, get the third one free. Blackout dates and constitutional restrictions may apply.

8. The Name Change Loophole. Donald J. Trump has served two terms. Donald J. Trump II hasn't served any. Alternatively, he could shorten his name to simply "Trump."

7. The Presidential Tariff. Trump reinstates the poll tax and imposes a 200% tariff on anyone known to be woke, a Democrat, or otherwise "othered." Naturally, he assures everyone that foreign countries will pay for it. He graciously offers to rescind the poll tax on one condition: that he be immediately reinstated as President No. 47+. It's not voter suppression. It's the art of the deal.

6. The Nonconsecutive Technicality. Trump argues that the Constitution prohibits only two consecutive terms. His lawyers insist that losing in 2020 reset the odometer.

5. The Supreme Court Exception. The justices discover that presidential term limits are unconstitutional when applied to presidents who appointed them.

4. The Stolen Election Credit. Since Trump insists he won in 2020, he demands an additional four years as compensation for not getting the four years he says he won.

3. The Vice Presidential Shuffle. JD Vance runs for president with Trump as vice president, then resigns five minutes after the inauguration. Vance receives a lifetime supply of couch cushions and Trump watches for his cooperation.

Yeah, right. Vance would agree to the whole scheme, but the moment he actually became president, he'd develop a sudden case of electoral amnesia.

Better plan: Melania runs for president, with Donald as her running mate. Granted, she was born in Slovenia and isn't constitutionally eligible, but not to worry. If it looks like America might go along on this little excursion, I'm sure Bannon can come up with a whole new subset of his mysterious "alternatives" to get around that little constitutional obstacle, too. (Excursion, get it? Like when Trump called his military incursion into Iran a "little excursion." Sometimes I crack me up.)

Besides, Melania might be the only person in America who'd happily resign five minutes after moving into the White House.

2. The Executive Order. Trump signs an executive order declaring the 22nd Amendment null and void on the grounds that presidential term limits are a Democrat hoax.

1. The Ultimate Constitutional Loophole. Trump's attorneys argue that the 22nd Amendment begins with the words "No person shall be elected..." and that Donald Trump is not a person.

He's a stable genius.

But wait. In yet another unprecedented move, number 2 actually deserves its own Top Ten countdown:

Top 10 Reasons for Trump's Executive Order Declaring the 22nd Amendment Null and Void

10. The Age Discrimination Clause. The amendment was ratified in 1951. Trump was only four years old. Nobody consulted him.

9. The Deep State Conspiracy. The 22nd Amendment was clearly written by Never-Trump Republicans. They started plotting against him 75 years ago.

8. The Mathematical Error. Trump won in 2016, claims he won in 2020, and won in 2024. That's three victories, and everybody knows three is a much bigger number than two.

7. (And this is pure genius) The MAGA Exception. Nobody else knows how to make America great again, and Trump won't license the instruction manual to anyone else. It's not a third term. It's a copyright extension.

6. The Automatic Renewal Clause. Trump declares that the presidency is now a subscription service. Unless America cancels at least 30 days before the midterms, another four years are automatically added. Cancellation requests will be treated as election interference.

5. The DEI Provision. Presidential term limits are an unconstitutional affirmative-action program for less successful politicians.

4. The Presidential Pardon. Trump grants himself a full and unconditional pardon for having already served two terms. His presidential record is expunged, making him eligible to run again in 2028. In fact, according to his attorneys, he's now entitled to two more terms.

3. The Originalist Argument. The Founding Fathers never put term limits in the original Constitution. Therefore, the 22nd Amendment is unconstitutional.

2. The Election Interference Defense. Preventing Trump from running is election interference. Allowing someone else to win is treason.

1. The Nanny Nanny Boo-Boo Clause. The 22nd Amendment has treated Trump very unfairly. Nobody in the history of this country has ever been treated so unfairly by an amendment. So he invokes the oldest constitutional principle of all: "Nanny nanny boo-boo! You can't make me!" The Supreme Court upholds it, 6–3.

Bullshit? Horse feathers?
You decide.

I'm just saying

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