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Truth Social Is Not the Situation Room

“From this point forward, any time the Islamic Republic of Iran shoots at a ship in the Strait of Hormuz, whether it be by Missile, Rocket, Drone, or any other device or weapon, the United States will bomb and destroy ONE BRIDGE OR POWER PLANT, including those located next to, or in, the Capital City of Tehran. Thank you for your attention to this matter!”

What in the hell is that supposed to be?

There are just so many things wrong with it.

First, you do not make war policy on Truth Social.


War policy is supposed to emerge from intelligence assessments, military planning, legal review, diplomatic coordination, clearly defined objectives, and some serious consideration of what happens after the first bomb falls.

There should be discussions about what the United States is trying to accomplish, what targets actually serve that objective, how Iran is likely to respond, how American forces and allies will be protected, how escalation will be controlled, and what conditions would bring the conflict to an end.

A president does not sit down with his phone, invent a one-for-one retaliation formula, capitalize a few target categories, type “Thank you for your attention to this matter,” and thereby create a coherent military doctrine.

And who exactly is he thanking for their “attention”? Iran? Are they supposed to reply, “You’re welcome”? Or is this aimed at Americans, as if we’re the audience for a threat that we have no role in carrying out or responding to? It reads less like a serious statement of policy and more like a bizarre announcement that assumes simply saying something publicly is the same as doing something meaningful.

That is not how war works.

That is not how policy works.

That is not how any of this works.

Trump’s post does not demonstrate that the United States has a strategy. It demonstrates that Trump believes posting a threat is the same thing as having a fucking strategy.

He has reduced military policy to the intellectual level of a schoolyard warning:

Every time you hit one of my friends, I’m going to spit on something of yours.

If you spit on something of mine, I’m going to smash three of your toys for each loogie.

If you, in turn, break any of my toys, I’m going to shove you off the monkey bars.

As a matter of fact, you guys don’t even get to climb on the monkey bars anymore.

And the teeter-totters are off-limits, too.


Except the toys, monkey bars, and teeter-totters in this case are bridges and power plants.

People drive across those bridges. Hospitals, water systems, homes, businesses, and communications networks depend on those power plants. Destroying them is not a symbolic gesture in an online argument. It has real consequences for real people.

And none of those consequences can be properly examined in a social-media post.

Maybe, though, this suggests a safer alternative for Trump.

Instead of fighting an actual war, assign an Iranian official to respond to him on Truth Social.

Trump posts a threat. The Iranian official posts one back. Trump responds with capital letters. The Iranian official responds with an even larger threat. Americans and Iranians flood the comments, trade insults, post memes, accuse each other of using bots, and smash the reaction buttons.

Whichever side receives the most reactions wins.

But wait. How do we decide which reactions count?

Do likes matter more than reposts? Are angry faces worth half a heart? Do Iranian bot accounts count? Does Truth Social’s algorithm unfairly favor the American president? Should an independent panel audit the final engagement numbers?

Who fucking cares?

It would make exactly as much strategic sense as conducting American war policy on Truth Social, but at least nobody would have to die.

I’m just saying.

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